While nearly 50% of marriages will end in divorce, it’s important to understand that no two divorces are identical on Long Island or throughout New York. As such, when your spouse makes it impossible to reach an agreement or work together to parent your children, you may wonder what your options are. Luckily, there are a number of different parenting arrangements that you can explore to determine what the best course of action is. While co-parenting entails active communication and collaboration between the parents, parallel parenting focuses on reducing interactions to help reduce conflict. The following blog explores these two common options and how they differ, which is critical, as it can assist parents in determining which arrangement is most effective for their family. You’ll also learn how to decide which option is best for your family with the help of Long Island family lawyers to help you navigate these complicated matters.
How Do Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting Differ?
Co-parenting is an option that some families choose when going through a divorce, in which both parents have custody. Typically, the parents will agree to set aside their personal differences and work together to continue raising their children as one family unit rather than separately. This means they will stay in communication regarding the child’s education, health, and well-being. Parents will often set and follow parameters to ensure there is consistency, especially in terms of what is expected of the child, chores, discipline, and values.
Parallel parenting, on the other hand, is an option in which the parents agree to raise the children independently of one another. This means there is little to no communication or collaboration regarding the child. In most instances, you’ll find that the child custody agreement will address matters related to things parents would typically collaborate on, like making medical or educational decisions for the child. Additionally, the court will ensure the document includes details on what information must be communicated to the other parent and a general timeframe in which that information must be shared.
Key Differences Between Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting
- Level of communication
- Co-parenting requires frequent, cooperative communication regarding the child
- Parallel parenting minimizes conversation to essential information only
- Decision-making matters
- Co-parenting requires parents to make joint decisions
- Parallel parenting assigns clear responsibility or utilizes rules implemented by the courts
- Conflict management
- Co-parenting is most effective when conflict is low between the parents
- Parallel parenting is ideal for those in high-conflict relationships, as it minimizes contact and subsequent conflict
- Consistency for the child
- Coparenting establishes clear rules across the homes for the child
- Parallel parenting allows each parent to implement their own parenting style
When Is Co-Parenting the Better Option on Long Island?
Families in Jericho, Garden City, Uniondale, and other communities in Nassau County and across the remainder of Long Island may find that co-parenting is most effective when the parents can maintain respectful conversation. In most instances, this entails the ability to prioritize the well-being, needs, and stability of the child above their own personal feelings towards one another. This option is generally implemented for couples that have a civil, if not amicable, divorce.
Signs Co-Parenting May Work for Your Family
- Both parents are able to maintain consistent, calm, and respectful communication
- Both parents express willingness to compromise on joint decisions
- The divorce, while difficult, was not highly contentious
- Parents are able to implement consistent rules, routines, and expectations for the child across both households
- Both parents focus on prioritizing the emotional and developmental needs of the child
When Should You Consider Parallel Parenting?
When you are navigating a custody battle, it can be incredibly difficult to determine which option is best for your family. In general, you’ll need to determine how well you and your spouse are able to communicate.
However, if you and your spouse endured a particularly bitter, contentious divorce, in which communication was nonexistent, parallel parenting may be better for your circumstances. Unfortunately, many parents feel as though they are doing a “disservice” to their child by parallel parenting. However, by reducing the risk of conflict with your ex, your child will be subjected to less stress and anxiety.
Situations Where Parallel Parenting Is Beneficial
- The relationship between the parents is highly contentious or hostile
- There are ongoing disputes or a consistent history of arguments and conflict
- One or both parents struggle with trust, communication, or cooperation
- The court-ordered custody arrangement implements strict boundaries
Legal Considerations for New York Parenting Arrangements
It’s important to understand that parenting arrangements in New York are made in accordance with the “child’s best interest” standard, in which the court must prioritize the best interests of the child above all else during a custody matter, including the wishes of the parents. As such, the court will issue orders that outline matters related to decision-making procedure, parenting time, and communication requirements.
What New York Courts Consider
- The ability of the parents to communicate and cooperate with one another
- The level of conflict between the parents
- Each parent’s level of involvement in the child’s life
- The emotional and developmental needs of the child
- Any history of domestic violence, abuse, neglect, or substance abuse
Contact Our Dedicated New York Family Lawyers Today
However, by working with an experienced attorney with the Sklavos Law Firm, our team can help you examine your options to fight for the best possible outcome. When you need help navigating the complexities of divorce and child custody, our firm is ready to represent you. Contact us today to learn more.