Introduction: Clarity in a Time of Change
Divorce is one of the most challenging transitions anyone can face. It affects your family, your finances, your sense of stability, and often your identity. But preparation and awareness turn confusion into clarity — and clarity into confidence.
This manual is designed to help you prepare: to understand what documents to gather, what to expect from the court process, and how to protect yourself and your children.
At The Sklavos Law Group, P.C., we believe preparation is the foundation of every successful case. The more organized and informed you are, the more effectively we can represent you, and the more control you’ll maintain over your outcome.
Reflection, Readiness, and Reality
Before beginning or continuing through a divorce, take a moment to ask hard but necessary questions. Divorce isn’t just a legal filing — it is a reorganization of your emotional, financial, and personal life.
We are not in the business of breaking up marriages — we are in the protection business. Our role is to safeguard you, your children, and your future once you have made the decision that divorce is truly necessary.
Important: The reflections in this section do not apply to situations involving domestic violence or abuse. In cases of violence, coercion, or intimidation, divorce is almost always the safest route.
Your first priority should always be safety — not reconciliation. Call 911, speak to an attorney, and contact domestic violence advocates immediately.
Have You Truly Thought It Through?
- Am I reacting to something temporary (stress, grief, a recent trauma) rather than the relationship itself?
- Have we tried counseling, mediation, or open, structured conversations to repair communication?
- Am I making this decision from clarity — not exhaustion or anger?
The Financial Reality
- One household becomes two: the same income now covers two rents/mortgages, utilities, and household expenses.
- Assets that took years to build may be divided; retirement accounts and savings may be reallocated or liquidated.
- Am I prepared to budget realistically for a two-household future?
Can Forgiveness or Acceptance Exist?
- Can I forgive enough to co-parent constructively even if we separate?
- Can I accept who my spouse is — and who they are not — without resentment?
- Have I communicated everything that truly matters before closing this chapter?
A Time for Honesty with Yourself
Is my decision driven by the state of the marriage — not unrelated crises (job loss, grief, health issues)?
Have I separated ‘the event’ from ‘the marriage’ to ensure clear judgment?
Section 1: Getting Organized
Every divorce begins with documentation. Courts and attorneys rely on financial records to determine income, assets, debts, and expenses. Organization is not busywork — it’s strategy.
Collect at Least Three Years of Records
- Federal and New York State tax returns (with all schedules, W-2s, and 1099s)
- Pay stubs for at least six months
- Bank statements for all accounts — checking, savings, joint, and personal
- Credit-card statements
- Mortgage, home-equity, and vehicle-loan documents
- Retirement and investment account statements
- Life-insurance and disability policies
- Business financials (if applicable)
- Household bills (utilities, tuition, insurance)
- Proof of ownership for real estate, vehicles, or other valuables
Organize Your Files
- Create folders labeled Income, Expenses, Assets, Debts, and Business
- Scan to a secure digital folder (e.g., password-protected cloud storage)
- Name files clearly (e.g., 2024-04-Chase-Checking.pdf)
What If Your Spouse Has All the Records and You Were Completely in the Dark?
This is common. Many people enter divorce with little access to financial documents. If that’s you, start where you can:
- Go directly to the banks: request statements/signature cards for any account with your name or SSN.
- Contact credit-card companies: get full statements; confirm any accounts in your name.
- Run your free credit report at AnnualCreditReport.com (Experian, Equifax, TransUnion).
- Watch for red flags: unfamiliar accounts or balances; tell your attorney immediately.
Section 2: The Preliminary Conference – The Roadmap of Your Case
The Preliminary Conference (“PC”) is your first formal court appearance in a contested divorce. It establishes the timeline, structure, and immediate needs of your case.
- Each party files a Statement of Net Worth (a sworn financial affidavit).
- The Court issues a Preliminary Conference Order (discovery, appraisals, experts).
- Temporary issues (custody, support, occupancy) may be addressed.
- Accuracy is critical — your Net Worth Statement is a sworn blueprint of your finances.
Section 3: Maintaining the Status Quo
Once a divorce is filed, the Court expects both parties to maintain the financial and practical status quo — continue paying household bills and managing expenses the same way you did before filing.
- Continue paying your historic obligations (mortgage, utilities, insurance, tuition/groceries).
- Avoid cutting off funds or canceling insurance without agreement or court order.
- If your income changes, speak with your attorney before altering payments.
Section 4: Motion Practice and Pendente Lite Relief
When one spouse withholds financial support or access to money, the other may need immediate help through the court. A pendente lite motion requests temporary relief while the case is pending.
Common Pendente Lite Requests
- Temporary spousal maintenance (support)
- Temporary child support
- Payment of household carrying charges (mortgage, rent, utilities, insurance)
- Counsel fees or expert fees so both sides can participate fairly
- Temporary custody or parenting-time orders
- Exclusive occupancy of the marital residence when necessary
Section 5: Automatic Orders and Financial Restraints
When a divorce is filed in New York, Automatic Orders (Domestic Relations Law §236[B][2][b]) take effect immediately. They apply to both parties and prevent either spouse from taking drastic financial action during the case.
Without Written Consent or Court Order, You May NOT
Sell, transfer, or gift property except in the ordinary course of life/business.
- Withdraw or move funds beyond routine living expenses.
- Change beneficiaries on life, health, or retirement accounts.
- Cancel or alter insurance policies.
- Incur large or unreasonable debts.
- Remove the other party or children from health coverage.
Section 6: Custody and Parenting Plans
Custody decisions revolve around the best interests of the children. Courts look for stability, consistency, and a demonstrated ability to co-parent effectively.
Start Drafting Your Ideal Parenting Plan
- Weekly schedule (school days, weekends, holidays)
- Exchange times and pickup/drop-off details
- Vacations, birthdays, and school breaks
- Communication (texts, FaceTime, calls)
- Be realistic and flexible — focus on the children’s needs
If Safety Is an Issue
If domestic violence, threats, or substance abuse are present, tell your attorney immediately. Protective measures such as Orders of Protection, supervised visitation, or exclusive occupancy can be obtained quickly.
Section 7: Violence, Safety, and Getting Help
This manual focuses on preparation — but no one can ‘prepare’ for violence. If you are in danger, the most important thing is immediate safety — not paperwork.
- Call 911 — the police can respond to protect you and your children.
- Speak to an attorney right away — we can obtain Orders of Protection or emergency custody.
- Contact local domestic violence advocates — shelter, transport, counseling, safety planning.
- Do not accept violence — once tolerated, it becomes the norm. The courts are there to help.
Section 8: Support – Child Support and Maintenance
Under New York’s Child Support Standards Act (CSSA), child support is based on a percentage of combined parental income (up to a statutory cap, adjusted annually). Maintenance is calculated by comparing incomes under statutory formulas with possible adjustments.
Child Support
- 17% for one child
- 25% for two children
- 29% for three children
- 31% for four children
- At least 35% for five or more children
- Each parent contributes proportionally based on income share; add-ons are divided similarly.
Maintenance (Spousal Support)
- Length of the marriage
- Health, age, and earning capacity
- Parental responsibilities
- Standard of living during the marriage
- Need for education or retraining
Temporary (pendente lite) maintenance ensures stability while the case is pending; post-divorce maintenance allows the lesser-earning spouse time to regain independence.
Section 9: Business Ownership and Transparency
If you or your spouse owns a business, it will likely be valued as part of equitable distribution. Provide:
- Business tax returns (3 years minimum)
- Profit & Loss statements and Balance Sheets
- Payroll and bank records
- Expense ledgers and credit-card accounts
- Documentation of personal expenses paid through the business
Personal benefits paid by the business — vehicles, insurance, or travel — can be added back as income.
Section 10: Separate Property and Record Preservation
To claim an asset as separate property, you must prove it was owned before marriage, inherited/gifted from a third party, or derived from a personal injury award.
- Keep assets in non-joint accounts and retain documentation.
Commingling can eliminate the separate claim. Start gathering proof now while records are available.
Section 11: Retirement Assets and Pre-Marital Contributions
Retirement accounts are divided into marital and separate portions. Only funds earned during the marriage are subject to division.
Obtain pre-marital account statements from your plan administrator now to protect your separate interest and allow application of the Majauskas formula.
Section 12: Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being
Divorce is emotionally draining. Seeking therapy or counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness. Judges often view parties favorably who demonstrate emotional stability.
Section 13: Honesty, Communication, and Preparation
Your attorney can only protect you with the facts you share. Be transparent and responsive. Surprises hurt cases; honesty strengthens them.
Section 14: Final Thoughts
Divorce is not the end of your life — it’s the start of a new chapter. At The Sklavos Law Group, P.C., we protect your rights and help you rebuild with stability and confidence.
Appendix A: Document Gathering Checklist
Income Records
- Federal and State Tax Returns (3 years)
- W-2s, 1099s, and Pay Stubs (6 months)
- Business Income Records (if self-employed) Social Security Earnings Statement
Bank and Investment Accounts
- Checking and Savings Account Statements (3 years)
- Investment and Retirement Account Statements
- Brokerage and Cryptocurrency Records
- Life Insurance or Annuity Policies
Assets and Debts
- Mortgage, Home Equity, or Vehicle Loan Statements
- Credit Card Statements
- Proof of Ownership for Real Estate or Vehicles Appraisals for Jewelry, Art, or Collectibles
Household and Living Expenses
- Utility Bills (electric, gas, water, cable, internet) Tuition or Childcare Receipts
- Insurance Premium Statements (auto, home, health)
Legal and Business
- Operating Agreements, Partnership Documents
- Trusts, Wills, or Estate Documents
- Prenuptial or Postnuptial Agreements
- Prior Divorce or Custody Orders
Appendix B: Custody & Parenting Plan Checklist
- Weekly custody schedule (school days, weekends, holidays)
- Drop-off and pick-up times and locations
- Vacation and travel schedule (including notice periods)
- School decision-making and communication plan
- Healthcare and emergency contacts
- Rules on introducing new partners to the children
- Parenting communication guidelines (texts, calls, apps)
Appendix C: Mental Health & Self-Care Tracker
- Schedule weekly therapy or counseling sessions
- Set daily time for exercise, meditation, or journaling
- Identify a support network (friends, family, groups)
- Monitor sleep and stress levels weekly
Limit alcohol and social media use during proceedings - Create positive affirmations or daily gratitude list
Appendix D: Case Preparation Checklist
- Submit Statement of Net Worth (verified and signed)
- Review and respond to discovery demands promptly
- Track upcoming court dates or conferences
- Prepare affidavit drafts and review before submission
- Communicate regularly with your attorney and paralegal
- Keep copies of all correspondence and filings
- Avoid discussing case details on social media
- Prepare questions in advance of every court or attorney meeting
Let our family protect your family.
By Alexander E. Sklavos, Esq.
375 North Broadway, Suite 104A
Jericho, New York 11753
(516) 248-4000 | www.sklavoslaw.com
Disclaimer: The Sklavos Law Group, P.C. is based in New York, and the information in this manual is based on New York law. Every case is different, and the contents of this guide should not be deemed legal advice. No attorney-client relationship is formed by the receipt or review of this document, or by attending any webinar, seminar, or presentation by a member of the firm. You should consult an attorney regarding your individual circumstances and specific facts.